Saturday, 20 December 2008

How NOT to save your marriage

Just recently, I'd been researching facts and figures about the UK as a whole, and the Herne Bay area specifically, in order to develop a final "Cell Group Training" session at Beacon Church. This particular evening was intended to help us understand our culture a little more and seek God's guidance in how to engage with the people who live around us. Amongst the myriad of astonishing revelations (and there's plenty), there was one article I came across that really got to me...

... you see, there's a website called "Illicit Encounters" (*), where over 220,000 MARRIED members have signed up to meet like-minded others for sex. And 200 more are joining each day. The idea is, apparently - as 71% of said individuals stated when questioned - that they'd rather have an affair than divorce. So... "walking" is out of the question but so is "talking", eh? It just saddens me to hear people say that. I'm not commenting on the state of their marriages or on the difficulties they may have from their spouse's attitude or behaviour. I don't know their circumstances. But what I DO know is this... that God's blueprint for human sexuality - heterosexual intimacy within the sanctity of exclusive marriage - is pure, perfect, and right flipping brilliant. It's hard sometimes - Jen and I love each other to bits but we're both flawed and born in sin, in case you hadn't noticed - and I guess that's why so many couples find it easier to split, or even easier to have an affair. I dread to think where we might be now (or not) if it wasn't for God's transforming work in our lives, instead of celebrating nearly 15 years of marriage and still touchy-feely and loved up...

The Biblical "cord of three strands" (Ecclesiastes 4:12) adage is often used as a picture for Christian marriage, and it rings so true. Sure, we have a 3rd party involved in our marriage - like so many others these days, it seems - but ours is different. It's me, Jen and God. God's involvement in and intention for our marriage, our family, our sex life - God's way is old-fashioned and uncool. But it's also the best way; it brings mutual security, support, encouragement, exclusive intimacy, appropriate male and female input into a child's upbringing and the best expression of God's intention for mankind. In an age when this blueprint is continually under attack (check out the latest venom being flung at Rick Warren over Barrack Obama and the same-sex marriage debate: Al Mohler's blog), then we as Christians need to stand firm in our views, despite the criticism hurled our way, and know we honour Him as we do. It's hard, and we must never judge or patronise those that oppose us - we need to love them and let our lifestyles be our witness - but letting God's view of marriage - male/female in exclusive and committed union - be the light that shines. For His glory.

(*click here for an Illicit Encounters article - and there seems to be a whole lot more similar sites appearing in my google hits when I was searching for the latest figures on the subject...)
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Wednesday, 10 December 2008

What I want for Christmas...

  1. for the "Mamma Mia!" cinematic experience to have just been a horrible dream after all (baaaaaaaaaaadly made film)
  2. for "Watchmen" to live up to my hopes in cinemas in March
  3. for an extra 3 hours in each day and an extra day in each week
  4. for my latest novel to [actually get finished and] be taken on by an agent & publisher this time around
  5. for God to continue to bless us at Beacon Church in numbers (15% extra new folks in the past 6 months!), and to help us grow in our relationships, our worship and our boldness in sharing the Gospel
  6. above all, for the three of us to excel as a Christ-centred family throughout 2009
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Sunday, 9 November 2008

My Top 100 Movies

As inspired by the recent(-ish) top 500 movies poll in Empire magazine, I thought I'd have a bash at my personal top 100... and it ain't as easy as it sounds... Remember this is a PERSONAL list based on what I like to watch, just as much as what I consider to be classics and rate in terms of quality and ingenuity (e.g. "Fievel Goes West" higher than "Pulp Fiction", eh? You know what? Fievel is an unsung work of genius - just watch it for the details - and Pulp Fiction is great, but it's not Quent's best). Suffice to say, the first 25 are films I would consider "stunning" and nigh-on perfect...

This is something I'd probably want to tweak every time I look at it - there's usually something I've forgotten, or rewatched recently and reappraised. Plus, of course, there's movies I aim to finally catch up with in the near future - M, Third Man (STILL not seen it), Holes - and I'm sure "Watchmen" will go straight in to the number 1 spot next Easter...!

So... come on all you Browncoats, Blade Runner fans, Kubrick-ites, gorehounds, Tarantino-phobes, and Fincher-philes, if you don't agree with your favourite movie's position or absence, let me know!

  1. Aliens
  2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  3. Fellowship of the Ring
  4. Jaws
  5. The Dark Knight
  6. Raiders of the Lost Ark
  7. Star Wars IV: A New Hope
  8. Kill Bill 1 & 2 (just can't split 'em, no matter how hard I try...)
  9. Fight Club
  10. Cold Mountain
  11. John Carpenter's The Thing
  12. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  13. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
  14. Godfather 2
  15. Heat
  16. The Matrix
  17. Alien
  18. Pan's Labyrinth
  19. Reservoir Dogs
  20. Leon
  21. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
  22. Atonement
  23. Monty Python's Life of Brian
  24. Night Watch (Nochnoy Dozor)
  25. Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
  26. 2001: A Space Odyssey
  27. The Breakfast Club
  28. Moulin Rouge
  29. An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
  30. Sunshine
  31. Pulp Fiction
  32. Die Hard
  33. Hero
  34. This is Spinal Tap
  35. Unbreakable
  36. The Big Sleep
  37. Finding Neverland
  38. Labyrinth
  39. Death Proof
  40. E.T.
  41. Goodfellas
  42. Transformers
  43. Double Indemnity
  44. Taxi Driver
  45. The Abyss
  46. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
  47. Chinatown
  48. Blade Runner
  49. Godfather
  50. Gone Baby Gone
  51. Lawrence of Arabia
  52. Ghostbusters
  53. The Two Towers
  54. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
  55. Das Boot
  56. Batman Begins
  57. Hot Fuzz
  58. Cloverfield
  59. The Usual Suspects
  60. La Vita e Bella
  61. Apocalypse Now
  62. Schindler's List
  63. Road to Perdition
  64. Seven
  65. Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
  66. Shaun of the Dead
  67. Memento
  68. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
  69. V For Vendetta
  70. Anchorman
  71. Trainspotting
  72. Delicatessen
  73. Sin City
  74. Pitch Black
  75. Braveheart
  76. The Lady From Shanghai
  77. Back to the Future
  78. The Shining
  79. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
  80. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
  81. Cyrano de Bergerac (1990)
  82. Zodiac
  83. Hellboy
  84. Predator
  85. X-Men 2
  86. True Romance
  87. Once
  88. The Kingdom
  89. The Sixth Sense
  90. American Beauty
  91. Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones
  92. Iron Man
  93. Garden State
  94. Dances With Wolves
  95. Enchanted
  96. Be Kind Rewind
  97. Brief Encounter
  98. Natural Born Killers
  99. Jurassic Park
  100. Alien 3
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Friday, 7 November 2008

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

25 things I learned in Kentucky and Tennessee

  1. there's a Walmart on every corner
  2. there's 20 times the amount of churches than Walmarts
  3. you have to love country (Nashville), blues (Memphis), rock n roll (Memphis) or contemporary Christian music (everywhere): it's your choice...
  4. your Baptist minister can't buy alcohol within 50 miles of his church, but he can smoke or chew tobacco
  5. you can drive for over 2 hours on the interstate without touching a pedal (good ol' cruise control)
  6. watching High School Musical 3 at the drive-in is marred only by the steamy windscreen
  7. Graceland isn't a cheesy experience in the slightest, it's really rather tasteful (unlike Elvis's choice of decor)
  8. the Newsboys sound better live than in the studio
  9. playing $3000 Gibson Les Paul's leaves one rather weak at the knees
  10. the homeless in Memphis rather fancy themselves as tour guides
  11. we could buy a 4-bed house with 25+ acres outright and have spending money left over... :-S
  12. baseball is much more fun than American football
  13. only in America could a grocery store chain be called "Piggly Wiggly"
  14. the US aren't interested in being green in the slightest, they'll just do anything to avoid relying on Arabs for fuel
  15. you never have to leave your car for anything: drive-thru ATM's, drive-thru pharmacies, drive-thru libraries...
  16. grits aren't worth all the fuss
  17. WHOEVER wins a government election, they can't save a country. God's in charge.
  18. speedboats, handguns, samurai swords and throwing stars are all readily available in your local mall
  19. shooting shotguns and rifles in the back yard is not only legal, it's really great FUN
  20. if the Shakers thought we were already living in the post-Second Coming Millenium, then their expectations of heaven must have been WELL below par...
  21. Christian Halloween parties are theologically a bit weird, but do feature great chilli
  22. the Amish are pretty cool neighbours
  23. Kentucky Baptists party just as well as Kent Charismatics
  24. a red-neck's last words = "Hey y'all, watch this!"
  25. if we ever moved to the States, we have a ready-made family in place... love y'all...
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Friday, 19 September 2008

Family Life


Watching Simon and Jane, friends from our last church, in the first episode of Channel 4's "The Family" this week, was both enjoyable - Simon always raises a smile - and remarkably enlightening. People and the press may like discussing the rows and the angst, but more than anything it got me thinking about how easily we can avoid honesty outside the home. How often have we turned up to church on a Sunday wearing a mask? We could have had a blazing barney with the missus in the car just five minutes before arriving, then bounding into the church hall with Bible in situ and a twinkling smile for our chums... It happens...

I'm not for one minute suggesting we all wear glum faces at church, nor "airing our laundry in public" simply for the sake of it either - let's exercise some wisdom here! -but the reality is that without true honesty amongst us, genuine community will not develop amongst God's people, and a truthful witness will not be portrayed. The best opportunities Jennie and I have had in discipling others - and also in sharing our faith with friends outside of church too - have not been in the once-a-week coffees (which are still worthwhile, of course) but in sharing our home with others at dinner time, at Amy's bed time, when we're ill, etc. It opens up a whole other realm of honesty... It's easy to throw out glib "never let the sun go down on an argument" idioms over a mid-week coffee, but if your spouse doesn't wish to talk and goes to sleep instead, then that argument will still be hovering over your Crunchy Nut Cornflakes (TM) in the morning, despite the wisdom of Paul's words (Eph 4.26). Watching Jennie and I as we deal with Amy throwing a wobbler, or having 'words' and then making up, or responding to disappointment, allows for far greater integrity on our behalf (hopefully!) and the chance for friends to genuinely learn from us and vice versa. We don't always get it right, but how we then deal with that boo-boo is in itself a chance for more of the same.

What the Hughes family have done is incredibly brave (I tip my hat to you guys) and I trust that the reality of family life as God intended - a real, honest learning curve based on His values - is portrayed in the public eye and consequent debate. May our own family life, and the sharing of it, do exactly the same.
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